


Tail Lights

by Lastasalways (Xerox), Xerox



Category: Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: AU, Multi, Shane saves Rick, The Walking Dead Kink Meme
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-04-01
Updated: 2012-12-28
Packaged: 2017-11-02 21:42:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 9
Words: 17,643
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/373643
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Xerox/pseuds/Lastasalways, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Xerox/pseuds/Xerox
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Written for TWD-Kink Meme, this Prompt: Shane manages to rescue Rick from that hospital.</p>
<p>What happens then? How have things changed? Bonus points if Shane and Lori still end up sleeping together, and triple bonus points if it eventually turns into a threesome, with Carl on the side as their mutual son who they all care about and look out for. Even more bonus points if you incorporate other characters’ points of view / interactions with Lori/Rick/Shane/Carl while all this soap opera drama is going on. (Yeah, there’s a lot of bonus points in this prompt…)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is going to be a cleaned up version of what's on TWD-KM, which means typos and spellings because the thing refuses to listen to anything that even resembles grammar. So be warned, this holds an alternate reality version of what grammar is.

He wasn’t sure that he could hear anything when he put his ear to Rick’s chest. Hell, he could just be hearing his own damn heartbeat and fuck was it pounding. He didn’t know what to do, Lori and Carl were waiting for him, he didn’t even know what the fuck was going on outside that door anymore, and Rick was right here, but he wouldn’t wake up. Instead he was attached to wires and had stitches holding his damned self together, and this was just one fool idea if he’d ever had one.

What was he supposed to do with Rick like this? With soldiers in the hallways shooting people, and people eating each other.

He leaned over and rested his head on Rick’s chest again, just for another moment and said a silent prayer. If they both died because of this fool idea, Rick would never forgive him because that meant there was no one there to protect Lori and Carl, but he couldn’t leave Rick in here. Lying down like a damn buffet table.

So he made up his mind and pulled Rick over his shoulder, he’d at least get them as far as he could.

-

Lori had looked about ready to kill him when she saw him kick the door open, Rick over his shoulder, hospitable gown and all. He just shook his head and told her to get a fucking move on, and refused to acknowledge his shaking hands. A random soldier had seen them leave the hospitable, fucking kid was convinced that Rick was infected, that they had to exterminate him.

It had ended with the kid on the ground and Shane not remembering shooting.

He hadn’t stopped shaking, but he was still moving. They had to get out of the city, and they had to do it now. Maybe one of those refugee camps he’d been hearing about for the last week, it didn’t matter because they were killing everyone here now. “Don’t put the bags in the trunk,” he warned roughly as he dropped Rick on the couch and started dressing him in something other than a paper thin gown. “And pull the car into the garage!”

Dressing a grown man was a lot different than a small child, it didn’t help that Rick was like a limp noodle or that Shane was too scared to check if he was still breathing, hell even really look at him. It was difficult as fuck to get some clothes on Rick, but he got it done by the time Lori came to tell him that they were packed up, and once again he put Rick on his shoulder. “What’s going on?” she asked but he shook his head because he didn’t fucking know, the whole world had gone insane inside of a week.

“Not right now,” he grunted instead of telling her. “Pop the god damn trunk.”

Carl was sitting in the backseat silently, just watching as Shane carried his father around, so he took the time to at least look the kid in the eye, nod his head once before turning back to the trunk and dropping Rick into it.

“What are you doing?” Lori was screeching but Shane was grabbing random shit to cover Rick up with, make it look like he wasn’t back there at all. “You can’t put him in the trunk!”

“It’s the only way we’re leaving this damned city,” he barked before taking a deep breath and glancing at Carl once more. “If he’s seen they’ll kill him, just trust me on this, all right?” He added softly, his voice pleading with her just to drop it for now.

He didn’t slam the trunk closed like he usually would, instead he closed it gently. Like an idiot because it wasn’t like Rick would know he’d slammed him into a trunk and threw bags and blankets on top of him, just to top it off by slamming the damn lid shut. Hell, like Rick would fucking care. “We gotta get going,” he mumbled more to himself then to anyone else.

Then with a nod, he was climbing into the front seat and turning the engine over. One glance back at Lori and Carl and they were off.

-

Sitting in that endless traffic jam Shane would periodically open the trunk and make it look like he was just digging for something, like he’d forgotten something back in the nightmare. When they set Atlanta on fire he’d felt his heart in his chest and it hurt to breathe for a moment as he held Lori to his chest. He didn’t let the moment last long though, he couldn’t, he still had to protect Lori and Carl, and even Rick, and he had to get them off the road because if they dropped napalm on Atlanta what was to stop them from dropping it on the highway?

“We’ve got to go,” he said softly into the top of her hair before pushing her away. “We gotta get Carl and Rick and get off the road, it’s not safe.” He explained to her confused look.

When it dawned on her, her face morphed into panic and they were both running back to the car. Shane quickly took the lead, shoving anyone in his way out of it and skidding to a halt when he finally reached the car. “Grab Carl and anything you can carry,” he ordered as he grabbed a backpack.

He heard Lori talking urgently to the woman and Carl but didn’t pay much attention to it, just popped the trunk and tossed the bags out. The asshole was next to him by the time he was pulling Rick out, yelling about some stupid shit and if his hands hadn’t been full he would have punched him in the jaw just to shut him the fuck up. “I don’t got time for you,” he growled, eyes hard as he glared at him. “He ain’t sick so you either follow us or you keep your ass here, it’s no skin of my back.”

He turned away then, grunting as he pulled Rick back over his shoulder, and Christ what was this doing to the man’s stitches? Was he just lugging a dead body around because he was too afraid to tell Lori that he’d killed her husband? He shook his head because it wasn’t time for those thoughts; it was time to get off this fucking road. Time to get as far away from it as they could, because if it was set on fire, it would spread and they had to get far enough away that it would die out before it reached them.

God, please help him protect them all.


	2. Chapter 2

His back was on fire and the kids were dragging their feet but they had to keep going. What he would give for a five minute break, just a few minutes to give his muscles a break and to catch his breath. “Where’s this fucking road of yours?” he growled at Ed instead.

“I told you, West. That’s all I know!” Ed yelled right back at him and if he didn’t have Rick on his shoulders, or Lori and Carl walking right beside him he’d just give up right then. Show Ed who was really Alpha dog out of the two of them and fucking take his five minute break.

“All right, let’s take a break.” He said instead, carefully bending over and laying Rick down, glancing at his slack face long enough to realize it was a mistake, before standing up and looking around. “I’m going to scout ahead, see if I can figure out where we are.”

“Are you sure that’s safe?” Lori asked, looking up from Rick, her hand still on his face and eyes wide in terror. He nodded at her, running a hand through his sweat soaked hair before checking where the moon was.

“I won’t be long, shout and I’ll hear you.” He nodded, “we’ve been heading West that road should be close and then we can figure out where we are from there, figure out where we’re going.”

She nodded, silently pulling Carl close to her and went back to staring at her husband. He nodded as well, more to himself though, stealing himself for the not-break he was taking. He could handle some damn discomfort. This was nothing compared to suicides in August for hours at a time, never even won State, even after the torture of those damn suicides ever damn day.

He glanced at Ed as he passed, his lips twitching to say something but for once in his damned life he kept his mouth shut. He needed the bastard and the MRE’s he had stashed away, and Lori and Carl would be pissed if he ran the family away.

He laughed when he found the road not five minutes later, shaking his head and cursing his impatience. Here was that damned road, empty as could be and perfect for a firebreak if god forbid they need one.

Stepping onto the road he wasn’t even paying attention, just looking at the sky and trying to figure out where they were. He hadn’t even thought it out, just get off that death trap of a road and then get as far away from it as they could. Now they barely had a clue where they were and no supplies except for what Ed was hoarding.

He was so lost in his thoughts that he didn’t hear the RV until he heard the breaks squealing.

The driver was yelling at him but he was too busy trying to shove his fucking heart back where it belonged to pay him any mind. He just bent over and breathed through his nose, thinking of Rick, Lori, and Carl in those woods and if he was gone, she’d be forced to leave him like trash… and that would destroy her and Carl.

Then it hit him, “oh thank you.” He whispered at his feet before standing up and saying words he didn’t remember but calmed the old man down.

“Listen, I’ve got a family with me, two really. They’re five minutes in there,” he motioned at the woods. “If you could give us a ride…” and he stopped when he saw the look of suspicion on the guy’s face, like he’d been wronged before with this same ploy. “It’s my friend’s family and a family we met on the highway,” he continued, getting desperate. “They’ve got kids, they can’t go much further and we don’t have supplies.”

And that seemed to be the rock that broke the dam because the old man nodded and told him that he had to tell his other guests. Which was the first time Shane noticed the blonde head looking at them through the window, and Shane would curse himself for not being aware if there wasn’t the hope of a ride.

-

Dale was headed to some camp grounds that he and his late wife had stayed at a few times, said it was remote, more out of the way then most camp grounds, and near natural resources. The best place to ride this whole thing out. Shane was just grateful to be sitting down.

He took the passenger seat up front while everyone sorted themselves out back, Rick laying on the bed in back, still not having twitched. And Shane had this stupid hope in his chest, that Rick wasn’t dead yet, that Lori wouldn’t let him drag her husband’s corpse around, that she would force him to bury him and take them both out of their misery. He was too damned scared to find the truth out though; because even if he was still alive, how the hell were they supposed to keep him that way?

He drank absently from the bottle of water Dale had shared, staring out the window toward Atlanta and even from here he could kind of see the glow as it burnt. “They burnt it down,” he motioned out the window wearily where they was an almost orange like halo way back behind the trees, far enough away that he only saw it because he knew it was there. “Just lit the streets on fire.”

Dale didn’t say anything for his part, and Shane was grateful because he didn’t want anything to be said to him, he’d just needed to say the words, letting something out so he could figure out what they were doing next. Dale said there was plenty of fresh water, and that would keep them going for a bit but they’d need food and Shane, Shane had never been that good as a hunter. Fuck, this all seemed so damned hopeless, but he gritted his teeth and straightened his back.

They were counting on him, and if he had to fucking catch dinner with his hands he would. He’d find a fucking way.

-

The sun was coming up when they reached the camp grounds, which was more of a clearing then any kind of camp grounds Shane had seen before. He raised an eyebrow at Dale who just grinned and shrugged, “I told you it was out of the way.”

There was a family already out here though, a man, his wife and two children, and Shane had a brief thought of how maybe this place wasn’t as remote as they thought it was. He took a closer look at their camp though, and saw the dead grass to the side of their tents; like the tent had been moved recently and while none of them were filthy they weren’t fresh. “What are you guys doing all the way up here?” he asked with suspicion, keeping an eye on the man while keeping an eye on Carl and the girl talking to the children.

“We were camping,” the man explained, realizing he was being interrogated but didn’t seem to have a problem with that. “I bring my kids here every year… and we were heading home when we caught the news on the radio.” Now there was a frown on his face, as he looked at his children. “We decided to stay a little while longer until things calm down.”

Shane nodding, looking around their camp site and it looked true enough. “I don’t think things are going to be calming down,” he mumbled truthfully to the man. “It’s… its bad.” Because how did you explain this shit to someone who hadn’t seen it?

“We were just about to start breakfast, it isn’t anything fancy but we’d be happy to share?”

Over the next week a few more people ended up making their way to the camp site. They found Glenn and T-dog at a small camping store a couple of miles down the road, the place didn’t have too much in it but the two had been trying to figure out what they needed. Shane ended up with two full cars of supplies and two extra people from that supply run.

Jim and Jacqui had just shown up randomly one afternoon, but he had an RV and was towing a car behind him so everyone greeted him with open arms. 

Merle and Daryl had pretty much found him. He’d been out trying to hunt because they could only live off of canned food for so long, and the canned food was running low and no one had felt safe enough to go for supply runs yet. He’d had a rifle they’d pilfered from the camping store and he was trying to remember anything about hunting other than how to drink quietly.

He didn’t even know what he’d done really but suddenly the brothers were stepping out of the bush, hollering about scaring off their game. He still wasn’t sure how they ended up at their camp, but all three of them had hiked back to the brother’s ‘camp’ and Shane lead them back to camp.

Maybe it had been because Shane would kill for something other than corn, Ed the jackass had shared some MRE’s but Shane knew he had more, and these two looked like they knew something about hunting. Daryl had a jeep though, and those giant jugs of water so they didn’t have to wait for the two to actually become useful.

Rick still hadn’t made any sign of waking up.

Instead they’d put him in Shane’s tent on one of the cots they’d burrowed. The tent had mesh ‘windows’ that let a breeze in, which was great because no one in camp really wanted to look at Rick. Everyone, except for the Morales,’ had horror stories about the walkers and that’s what Rick reminded them of.

Hell the first time Merle fucking Dixon found out he had Rick in his tent, the bastard lost it. Went off about cutting their loses, they needed to get rid of him before he caught the sickness. It ended with Shane holding a gun to the bastard’s head, blood from his nose dripping onto his face. “He isn’t sick,” Shane said through his teeth and everyone was standing in a circle just watching, Daryl standing back looking pissed but not taking a step to set Shane off further. “He was shot, before all this shit happens… you touch him and I’ll kill you.”

Merle laughed it off but he didn’t come near his tent anymore.

His friend was starting to look like a walker though, and Shane wouldn’t let anyone other than Lori near him. Carl didn’t need to see his father like this, and all he needed was for anyone to see his pale, gaunt, face and cry walker.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And because I completely forgot to update this over the week, another chapter here. If I don't post again by Wednesday, remind me. lol

Two weeks in everyone had fallen into routines. Every morning Shane would drive down the quarry and collect water, then he’d spend awhile squeezing water into Rick’s mouth with a cloth. He didn’t know if was working, or even helping, but it seemed like the thing to do, and he had to do something. He had no clue how to get food into the man, but this was better than nothing.

After that he’d usually grab some food, check up on Carl and Lori, and take a couple of hours to patrol. After lunch he’d collect the cans, rinse them out real good and start stringing them up. That had been Daryl’s idea, and he had to admit it was as good as any. Then squeeze some more water into Rick’s mouth. Sometimes he’d find Lori in the tent doing it instead, usually when Carl was off with the other kids doing something. They didn’t let Carl in her, a part of Shane felt wrong for doing it, Rick was the kid’s father after all, but Rick wasn’t looking so good and Carl didn’t need to see that.

On those days when Lori was in there, he’d sit down by Rick’s feet and watch her as she steadily dripped the water into his mouth. They didn’t usually talk. Unlike before the world went to crap, when Rick was still in the hospitable with doctors and nurses looking after him. When it was then, they’d talk, not about anything of too much importance; they’d just swap stories about Rick that they’d heard a thousand times before. Shane would tell her what Rick was like when they were growing up, and she’d tell him how he was with Carl or fixing up the house.

Now, Shane didn’t feel comfortable speaking. He had tried once but Lori had shut him down, so he’d stopped.

It was like that now, him sitting there, covered in dirt and sweat and watching as she squeezed the drops from the cloth. He’d been sitting there for a while now, had grabbed a cloth to wring water onto his own face because it was hotter than normal. “We’re going to go check out the highway, see if it cleared up.” He said out of the blue, “try to find some supplies while we’re at it, I can try to find you something if you want.”

She glanced at him, her hands frozen over Rick’s face and her eyes red, before glancing right back down. “What are we doing?” she asked and Shane frowned, because she knew what they were doing. Laying low until this brushed over, if it brushed over. “We can’t do this forever,” she continued her hand waving at Rick.

“We can do it as long as he needs it,” Shane explained, scooting closer to her, on his knees right next to her. “If it’s too much for you… if, you don’t have to do this. I can, cause he’ll wake up eventually. Remember the docs were already talking about him getting better, and maybe this is a set back, making him slower, but he ‘will’ wake up.” Shane said it, like he believed it. Like he believed they weren’t doing anything other than extending Rick’s death.

And one minute he was kneeling there, his hand on her arm and she wasn’t even looking at him, and the next she was leaning into him. Her hands were in his hair, pulling at the back and she was kissing like he could breathe life into her. For a moment he just sat there, stock still because this was his best friend’s wife and Rick was ‘right’ there, but he started kissing her back. Forcing her to slow down, to make the kiss less desperate and just a little bit more caring.

It ended with their foreheads leant together, both of them breathing hard and Lori’s hands on his shoulders. “I’ve got to go,” she whispered and then she was gone and Shane didn’t do anything but watch her go.

He gave it a minute, to see if she would come back, before he moved to the spot she’d abandoned and start wringing water into Rick’s mouth. “Brother, you need to wake up.” He whispered softly, “I don’t know what I’m doing here man.”

-

The next day he had sat out with T-Dog and Merle to check out the highway. It hadn’t been destroyed, but they didn’t see anyone alive. Just fucking walkers, they took out a couple and scavenged what they could from the cars but they all decided they didn’t want to stay there too long. Instead, the spent the rest of the day driving to a small town that Merle knew of. They raided the local general store of what was left, he grabbed some spirals and pencils for the kids and some perfume that he thought Lori might like.

They didn’t get back to camp until it was past midnight, Merle just stumbled off to his own tent while Shane and T-dog looked at the supplies they grabbed. It wasn’t enough and Shane felt a moment of terror because they were all going to starve is this was all they could come up with.

“We’ll unload tomorrow,” he mumbled instead, taking his hat off long enough to run his hands through his hair. He needed to go take care of Rick, and he was feeling like this day was dragging him down.

He nodded at Morales who was sitting around a fire, the embers showing his face lightly, but didn’t stop to talk. They all had their nights that they couldn’t sleep, he understood that, and the man would realize that his family was more important than any doubts keeping him up.

He didn’t expect to see Lori in the tent, she hadn’t gone back in since the kiss and Shane had figured she’d taken him up on his offer to relieve her of taking care of him. “Sorry,” he mumbled, not sure what he was sorry for but it always seemed like the smart move with women.

She shook her head, looking at him as he went back by Rick’s feet. “You don’t need to take everything on,” she said softly but he shrugged because what else was he supposed to do? If he didn’t they’d suffer for it, and he wasn’t about to let that happen. Rick was counting on him to take care of his family, what did she expect him to do. “I,” she started, then closed her eyes. “Me and Rick weren’t doing that well,” she said and it wasn’t what Shane had been expecting, even if he knew it was the truth. They couldn’t be doing great, not with all the bitching Rick did about them.

“It happens,” Shane mumbled, “it’s a normal relationship thing.” He explained, and it was laughable, like he’d ever made it as long as they had. Who was he to give either of them advice, who were they to fucking ask him for it.

She shook her head, turning away from him to look at Rick. “He can’t live like this,” she explained, her voice strong like she was facing up to the lies they had told themselves. “If he doesn’t wake up soon, he never will.”

“He’ll wake up,” Shane started but this time when she looked at him, she was angry and Shane knew that look from when Rick was about to head to the doghouse for the night.

“Stop lying!” she hissed, “He’s never going to wake up. One morning we’ll wake up and he’ll be dead.”

And Shane was all kinds of built up to argue, because if she gave up the hope what the hell was he supposed to do? He’d been feeding off hers and Carl’s hope for weeks now, hell before the sickness and the walkers. So, he’d opened his mouth to argue, to convince her it wasn’t true because someone needed to believe here, and found himself on his back with Lori straddling his hips, leaning down and her hair brushing his face. “Just shut up,” she hissed and then she was kissing him again.


	4. Chapter 4

Shane wasn’t sure how it happened, but one minute they were kissing and the next thing they were half naked, laying right next to Rick and Lori was biting his damn shoulder so damned hard.

It ended with them panting, Shane resting his forehead on her shoulder, and just realized what they had done. It’d serve Shane right if Rick woke up right then, while he was still in his god damned wife.

He was expecting it when Lori shoved him off of her and made a quick getaway, leave the tent door flapping in the wind while he was hanging out of his pants.

He left the flap open, just tucked himself back in and hoped the breeze would erase the smell of sex, which for the first time in his life smelt like fucking guilt.

Then he looked at his friend, who hadn’t moved but had a thin layer of sweat on his face, like he had joined in on their affair, and he laughed because what else was he supposed to do. “Sometimes I think you got the right idea there, man.” He said between laughs, before sobering up too quickly. “You fucking bastard, leaving me here with your wife. You know I’m not good with women.”

-

Shane hadn’t slept that night, so he found himself sitting aimlessly at the fire watching the water boil so that they could have some instant coffee. The sun was stabbing pain in his eyes, like it was shining brighter just because he was an asshole. And Lori, she wouldn’t even glance at him. He was too damned tired to deal with that, but when Carl came to sit next to him, he ruffled the kid’s hair and told him any day now, giving him a smile that he hoped didn’t look as tired as he felt.

“Hey Shane,” Glenn interrupted looking hesitant; “I know you said they bombed Atlanta… but maybe we should check it out. Maybe they didn’t get the whole place?”

Shane nodded, thinking about their dwindling supplies and what he’d seen. “Yeah, we might,” he mumbled. “We’ll look into it later,” and Glenn kind of smiled, like he’d been expecting Shane to call him a damned fool. “We need to unload, figure up all we got, then we can work it out.”

“Can I help?” Carl asked, butting in with wide eyes in an earnest look.

He looked down at the kid for a minute, trying to remember all they had grabbed. “You can help do the inventory,” he said after a moment. “It’s real important that you count it up right, you hear? So you let me know if you don’t think you’re up to it.” He added, knowing the kid wanted to be useful and smiled at the determined look that came over Carl’s face. IT looked so much like Rick’s, like nothing would get in his way. “Thatta boy,” he mumbled before ruffling his hair again and standing up.

He made his way to Carol who had a line of cups sat up and was steadily spooning instant coffee into them. “Here you are,” she said with a small smile, looking like she was scared that useless bum Ed would magically wake up. “I made it a little strong, I know you come in late.” She explained, and damn she was a good woman.

“Thank you,” he said earnestly, squeezing her shoulder as he walked past her to the jeep. When they went to scout Atlanta he’d make sure Ed went with them, give the woman some breathing room.

He didn’t take long at the jeep, just dug through it briefly while sipping on his coffee, which was god awful but so damned needed. He grabbed the bag he had shoved the papers and shit in.

Then went over to Lori because even if she wouldn’t look to him, he had things to say. “I grabbed some stuff for the kids.” He said out of the blue, causing her to jump around. “For schooling or coloring, things to keep ‘em occupied.”

She nodded taking the bag like it would bite her. “Thank you,”

“There’s some perfume in there you might like.” He added even though he knew it was the wrong time, but he’d gotten them before last night and he wasn’t going to wuss out here.

“Shane,” she sighed like he was Carl and She was upset at him.

“No, I got them before,” he hissed. “Don’t do this Lori, act like I’m the bad guy here!”

“What we did,” she started but he interrupted.

“What we did, we did. You can’t shut me out and lay it all on me!” he bit, glancing around quickly before leaning in to pull her into a rough kiss. “We’re doing what we can,” he mumbled when he pulled away, “There isn’t any guilt in that.”

And wasn’t that a damned like, because he knew it was wrong. What they did next to Rick’s sick bed had been all kinds of wrong and messed up. But nothing was right anymore, and Shane was fucking desperate. This almost painful tightness under his skin that he didn’t know how to deal with and last night… last night was the only time he hadn’t been aware of it itching at him. And all he wanted was for it to go away again. He didn’t even care what they felt like afterwards, as long as it was gone.

-

They went the next day to Atlanta. Glenn because it was his idea, Ed because the fuck was going to do something or Shane was going to throw him off a goddamned cliff. And Morales because Shane liked his calm attitude and he trusted his abilities, that’ he’d have his back if things went south.

They took the jeep again because it was the only vehicle they had that might be able to go off road if they had to and Glenn had pointed out the railroad tracks probably weren’t jammed.

“Doesn’t look like it was burnt,” Ed said grumpily, taking out a cigarette like a fool.

“Light that and I’ll kill you myself,” Shane said through his teeth. “Now keep your mouth shut and your eyes open!”

“This way,” Glenn said quietly, leading them through a loose part of the fence. They kept their guns ready as they moved out of the railroad depot and into Atlanta proper. His eyes darting to each corner and shadow but it didn’t look like anyone was there.

“There,” Morales whispered, motioning to what looked like a mom and pop restaurant. Shane nodded, figuring it had a better chance of having more food than any grocery store.

The door was locked, go figure, and Shane couldn’t stop the frown as he looked around. “A quiet stand back and he broke the window door as quietly as he could. Then motioned them to stay back as he quickly cleared the dining room.

Glenn made his way to the bathroom and Shane was confused until he came back holding a couple of rolls of toilet paper. “You’re a fucking genius,” he grinned, patting the kid on the back.

“Hot damn,” Morales grinned before raiding the bathroom as well. “Oh,” Shane grinned when he saw what he came back with. “Didn’t even think of those… we’re going to need to start coming up with lists.”

Morales just shrugged, shoving the tampons into his bag. “Not your fault, you don’t have a wife or girls.”

Shane snorted his agreement before making his way to the back of the restaurant. It wasn’t full but there was enough cans to take a eight off of his shoulders. “Thank god for cheap restaurants, huh?” Morales grinned from beside him and they started loading up on non-perishables.

“Give that bag to Ed,” Shane said before stuffing another with toilet paper and soap packets, and napkins. “This shit is going to make people happy.”

“Never thought you’d cry over some cheap toilet paper, huh?” Morales grinned and Shane laughed because hot damn.

They split up after that, Morales and Ed taking the stash to the jeep while Glenn and he went on an actual recon. They were on their own for a couple of hours, just taking a count of how many walkers were about and where might be a good idea to scavenge for supplies.

Shane was leading the way when he spotted them. It was down a four lane road that lead straight to the business district. He shoved Glenn back and pressed himself tight to the wall, hoping the kid couldn’t feel him shaking. There had to be hundreds!”

“We go back, now!” he whispered urgently. “Don’t make a fucking noise.”

Shane didn’t think he breathed again until they saw the fence for the depot.

God, his hands were still shaking, Glenn looked like he was going to faint. He gave the kid a thin smile as they climbed through, maybe calm them both down a bit. Because, Christ, there had been a lot of them, too many of them. “Damn man,” he laughed, licking his lips. “You’re one quick mother fucker.”

Glenn grinned back at him shakily, “All right, we’re good.”

“We are,” he nodded. “Let’s get out of here man, we’ll be safer next time.”

“Was that there before?” Glenn asked, motioning to the delivery truck and Shane frowned, his hand automatically going to his gun. He wasn’t sure but he didn’t remember it being there.

“Stay back,” he said softly, making his way around the truck, his gun drawn as he rounded the side.

“Shit, you stupid cop put that gun down!” Ed barked, and Shane about growled.

“What’s this?” He asked instead, holstering his weapon and motioning for Glenn to come on over. “I could have shot you!”

“We were looking around the depot,” Merle explained and he had this smile that set Shane at ease. “And we found this truck; they must have stopped before they unloaded it! Or finished, there’s not much, and some of it went bad… but there’s all kinds of food in here, we could live a month off of this!”

And Shane out right laughed when a can of peaches was tossed his way, because all he could figure was jackpot. They could stop worrying about food so much, stop rationing and it their damn fill for once.


	5. Chapter 5

The drive back to the camp was easier; Shane and Ed were in the jeep while Morales and Glenn drove the truck back. It was a quiet ride for Shane, he guessed Ed wasn’t in the talking mood much right then, which was fine for him really. He was pretty sure Glenn was still yapping a mile a minute to Morales about what they could eat first. 

Shane just didn’t have it in him to break the kid’s bubble and let him know that they still needed to ration everything, or they’d be making a trip back to Atlanta a lot quicker then they wanted. And on second thought, that really wasn’t that. They probably shouldn’t let their supplies get low, just create a stock pile. No need to go damned desperate here.

He couldn’t hold back the grin as he blew up those roads, Ed was clutching on for dear life, looking a bit pale and a little green as the back end fish tailed around a sharp corner. Served the bastard right.

He skidded to a halt, dust flying out behind him and hoped out and a huge grin on his face as he looked around the camp. For the first time, it felt like maybe they could do this. They had enough food to the last them awhile, they had some soap, and some toilet paper. Life seemed good, or at least bearable.

Ed just stormed off, lighting up almost immediately, but nothing could break his high right now because here was Carl running up to him, and he could give the kid a damned can of peaches. It was probably the sweetest thing the kid had since this whole thing started. It wasn’t chocolate, but it was the next best thing and Shane felt pride in that. 

Carl didn’t react to the peaches though, just started talking a mile a minute and Shane had a hard time understanding him, but it was something about Rick and Shane felt vaguely nauseous. Because oh fuck, what the hell had happened while he’d been gone?

He started walking quickly to Rick’s tent, trying to build himself up to see him dead. Hell, it wouldn’t be any different than how Rick had been looking anyways, maybe they were wrong? How the hell would they know? Lori didn’t know how to check a pulse, if she’d been into the tent, selfish bitch that she was. It was a mistake, had to be, because he couldn’t deal with this yet. He hadn’t set himself up to deal with it yet.

Shane almost walked right past him, in his bee line to that damned death tent. It was only the vague thought that there were too many people, his instant head count had come up high and he had to pause long enough to try again.

“Rick?” he asked, stumbling a step back as he took in the man sitting on the car seat. Someone had set up a shade for him, and he still looked dead. If it wasn’t for Rick’s eyes still looking bright and not that cloudy, dead look, Shane would have sworn they had a walker sitting there at the camp, holding a bowl in its hand.

“Shane,” Rick said. And his voice was rough, like he hadn’t used it. And he hadn’t, for weeks he’d just laid about while Shane tried to hold everything together, and here he was sitting up and fucking speaking.

The bastard had woken up while he was out making sure they had something to eat. The fucking bastard had probably waited until he’d been staring down a hundred walkers to wake up.

There was a smile growing on Rick’s face but all Shane could do was feel this anger growing inside of him, and it didn’t make any sense. He’d wanted to be there when Rick woke up, been the one to tell Carl, to tell Lori ‘see, I told you so.’ Instead, there they were, and Lori was doting on him like she’d been the one who’d spent the last week squeezing drops of water into his mouth.

Shane forced a smile though, because Rick was awake and soon enough it was a real smile. Once he’d shoved down the anger and the jealousy. “It’s good to see you up,” and his voice sounded thick even to him.

He hadn’t prepared himself for Rick waking up either.

He didn’t know what it was, but he felt light headed as Rick stood up shakily and walked up to him, and when Rick pulled him into a hug he felt his shoulders drop because fuck. He hadn’t set himself up for this; he didn’t know what to do or how to feel about this shit. And it was twisted up inside him so much it hurt. “Thank you,” Rick said softly, gripping the back of his hair and Shane squeezed his eyes shut. “Thank you for my family,” and Shane couldn’t stop the shaking guilt because he’d taken care of Rick’s family. He’d even fucking screwed his wife for him, what a good friend he was. “And for saving me, brother.” Rick was shaking too; it was too much walking for him likely, too much moving.

And that made up Shane’s mind for him, he found himself moving Rick back to that car seat, and helping him down. “Don’t thank me,” and it was equal part guilt and equal part he’d done what he was supposed to, what he had to. “Fuck, look at you up and about and slumming it with the rest of us.”

“Shane said you’d wake up,” Carl was explaining excitedly, then turned to Shane. “He woke up last night, I thought I was dreaming because he was talking but mom and Dale heard him too.”

“I told you, man, he was just taking his time.” Shane grinned, looking his friend up and down. He was skinnier, and pale as fuck, but he was alive and breathing and finally fucking moving on his own. “Ain’t no bullet gonna take your daddy down.”

“Not for long,” Lori said softly, and her eyes were bright and she looked happy for the first time in awhile, and Shane loved that look on her. But he couldn’t look long, because whatever they did was over and it had to be, or it might really kill Rick.

“Right,” Shane nodded, pulling his cap off to run his hand through his hair. “We did good in Atlanta,” he explained to everyone in the group, the pride for what they brought back coming back strong, and now there was more pride because he did it. He saved Rick, and his family, he was the one that had dragged Rick through that damn death trap of a hospitable and down streets that were going insane. And it had paid off; it had finally fucking paid off. “We’re going to need help unloading, and figuring up all that we got…”

He looked down at the can of peaches that he held in his hand, that for some reason he hadn’t dropped, and glanced at the oatmeal that Rick was eating. “Maybe you should eat these instead,” he motioned at the bowl. “They’ll at least taste better,” and he couldn’t lose his fucking grin as everyone finally noticed the can of peaches, like it was fucking gold.

And boy was it, canned peaches. Who would have figured?

-

They were around the fire pit, Shane had strong armed Ed into letting his family there to. It was crowded but it felt fucking good, and Shane wasn’t about to question that fucking feeling. The only two were missing were Merle and his brother, and if their luck held they’d bring a damned deer back instead of the squirrels that Daryl seemed to fucking love.

Even then, they had fucking tuna. Tuna, Christ, and noodles. And peas, it had been a fucking grocery van, and Shane felt giddy with the fucking possibilities. The women were talking about some kind of dinner tomorrow, just to celebrate the load they’d brought back and Rick finally waking up. It felt good to finally have something to look forward to.

Dale was telling everyone about how he and his wife had gone up north, up to that forest in Washington, the ones with the trees you could drive through. And the kids were listening like it was the coolest thing since fucking sliced bread. Shane had to admit, it was kind of cool, the thought of driving through a tree.

“I bet you could make an awesome tree house in those.” Glenn sighed, like he was thinking of it. For a grown man, sometimes Shane wondered, just how grown he was. He was an adult, no body doubted that, but sometimes he seemed like a kid and Shane felt a little guilty for dragging him through Atlanta with him. But this was the world they lived in now, and it had been the kid’s idea. He wasn’t about to let anyone risk other people for their ideas.

“We’ll hit up home depot then,” Shane said sarcastically, and Glenn’s face dropped. He was too damned tired to care though, filling the kid’s ideas with tales of giant trees was one thing, with stupid ideas was another.

“Maybe living in the trees isn’t such a bad idea,” Amy spoke up, and Shane’s eyes jerked to her. “I bet they can’t climb.”

“And how are we going to do that?” he started but he shook his head, not knowing what had set him off but that he didn’t want to be around any of these people right now. “Jim, can you take first watch? I need some shut eye, I’ll cover you at one.”

“No problem,” Jim said while Dale spoke up, “I can take over after him.”

“I’m good,” he mumbled. Pushing himself up. “No one has watch two nights in a row, you know how it goes.”

He could see the argument in Dale’s face, and he probably had a pretty good one ready to go but he just turned away and walked to his tent. He needed to get away, and he needed time to think. He’d sleep and then on watch be able to think, it was a plan and fuck Dale if he thought he could fight him on it.


	6. Chapter 6

The next couple of days were slow going. There were random bursts of changes from their routine, and Shane found himself with extra time he didn’t know what to do with. He’d find himself walking to Rick’s sick tent after he’d done his patrol, ready to squeeze that damned clothe, and he’d be there right at the flap before he’d remember that he didn’t have to do it anymore. Rick was awake and drinking his fill, and resting so he could get strong again.

Shane didn’t actually see him for that first day, after his hissy fit at the camp fire. Lori kept him in her tent, and he’d find out how Rick was doing through Carl. It kind of hard, he’d admit it. Because he was the one that fucking kept the man alive, not Lori, but he curbed that feeling and smiled at Carl and told him some kind of platitude about soon Carl’d be catching frogs with his dad.

Stupid shit, like that.

The second day, Shane would see him randomly while he was on his way from the patrol, or getting water. He wasn’t at lunch, but he was at dinner. The women had made some tunafish casserole, and Shane was getting tired of damned fish all ready, but he kept his mouth shut and ate.

Fucking Dale was looking at him like he’d lost his mind, and Shane just couldn’t keep shoving all the fucking anger down. He felt it in the back of his damned teeth, and in the long fucking nights, and fuck. He should just be happy Rick was awake.

It came to a head that second day, down by the water. The women were washing clothes and he had Carl down there, giving him a break from his mother and father. Not that the kid needed a break, but some room would probably be nice, hell just some damned fun.  
He didn’t remember getting from catching frogs with Carl to his fist in Ed’s face and the women screaming at him to stop, and Carl ending up looking at him like he was a god damned monster. Carol was leaning over her husband, begging forgiveness when he gave the group one last look and Jaquie was comforting Carl.

And the fear in all of their eyes just fucking set his anger off more.

He ended up doing another patrol, well into the sun going down. He didn’t feel like dealing with their stares or the fucking talk because everyone would know within five damned minutes. Lori caught him heading back to camp, still out of everyone’s eyesight but out of the woods enough that Lori was safe enough.

“I heard what you did today,” and her voice was hard and she had her no nonsense look on. And when the fuck had he married her? Like she could treat him like her fucking husband.

“And what did you hear today?” He asked, leaning back and looking nonchalant. “You hear that Ed was beating on the women? That useless fuck.”

“In front of Carl,” she hissed, and she was in his face and damned she looked angry, and the only thing Shane could think of was kissing her. “You did that in front of Carl!”

“Yeah,” he nodded. “I regret that bit.” He mumbled, because it was the truth, he didn’t want Carl to see that. The kid had seen enough with all this shit going on, he hadn’t wanted him to see that as well. And he licked his lips, because while he should be thinking about Carl and getting Lori un-pissed at her, he couldn’t stop himself from looking at her lips. “I didn’t mean to lose it in front of him.”

And she was probably coming up with something to say, rip him a new one, but without thinking about it he decided to stop it in probably the worst way possible.

She pulled back instantly, not all untogether unexpected, and whispered “no” while he was still leaned over, licking his damned lips. “We are not doing this, we are…”

And he just smiled bitterly, “we are a mistake, huh?” because that was the basis of what she was going to say, wasn’t it?

“That’s what that was,” she nodded, looking relieved that he wasn’t fighting her on it. “We… we were desperate Shane, we can’t.”

“Yeah,” he nodded, taking a step back and shaking her head. “Why you saying we? Yeah we both did it, but you’re the one who started it. Remember that, Lori? Right next to your husband, while he was laying in damned coma.” And her face going pale in the moonlight, well it gave him a sick sense of satisfaction. “I get it, now he’s awake you don’t need me.” He snorted, “go ahead, but don’t come out at me like you’re the damned saint in all of this.”

“I never!” she started, and yeah she might be right. Maybe she hasn’t said anything, and maybe he’s just being paranoid because ‘he’ feels like the bad one here. It wasn’t like he had to go ahead and fuck her, or that he couldn’t have told her no, that she really didn’t want it. That she was desperate… but he’d been kind of desperate too, and he could admit that to himself. All this shit weighing on him… and it had felt nice to be touched. “I never said I wasn’t to blame for all of this too,” she whispered after a long moment and he looked away, unable to meet her eyes.

“None of us asked for any of this,” he ended up mumbling, turning around completely, turning his back on her, because he was half sure if he didn’t he’d try to kiss her again, and maybe her pulling away wouldn’t be enough to stop him this time, because he wasn’t doing all that well at controlling himself.

Hell, like he ever had. Rick had always been the one to point out the common sense in just stopping and breathing for a moment. He never thought too far into his actions, was one of the reasons he’d brought the principle’s car to the damned chicken coup.

He didn’t wait for her to say anything , just walked on off and went into his tent. Any hint of being hungry was gone again, and all he felt was fucking tired.

He was losing everything.

-

The next morning came too damned early but he got up anyway and set the kettle boiling for some coffee. He made a mental note that they needed to add some kind of filters are strainers, or what the fuck ever so they could have some goddamned decent coffee for once, and sat down to stare it down.

He was still staring at it quietly when Carol walked by, not looking at him as she started pulling out cups. He didn’t fail to notice she was one coffee cup short. “You don’t deserve that,” he ended up saying quietly, after making sure her shit of a husband wasn’t around.

She just glanced at him, not even giving him the time of day, so he continued because he felt like he needed to justify himself, because fuck they didn’t need this shit. They didn’t need Ed being a useless fuck, or him hitting on the women, or him pulling his god damned cock out and screaming look at me, I’m the boss of you women folk. Because the shit couldn’t control any of them men, because none of them much listened to him. “That shit,” he started. “It was unacceptable before this,” he waved. “And Christ woman, I’m not going to let it become acceptable right in front of my fucking face!”

She at least turned to him, but just like Lori she wouldn’t look him in the god damned eyes, and why the fuck did he have to be ashamed of this? Because he scared the women more than Ed ever managed? Because he’d let Carl see him lose control like that? “I’m not sorry that I gave him his own medicine back down his god damned throat… but ‘m sorry you’ve got to deal with the consequences.”

And she finally looked up at him, looking him in the eye as she nodded. “Ed doesn’t want me anywhere around you,” she said softly and he nodded his own understanding.

“Kind of figured that,” he answered with a nod of his own and a small snort. “Don’t you feel guilty about what you got to do, right?”

-

Shane would be the first to admit it; sometimes he questioned his decision to let those two into the camp. Merle didn’t give a fuck about anyone or anything, and Daryl… well Daryl just seemed to follow his brother’s lead. And when they both walked into that small clearing with the walker and the damned almost fucking dinner dear… well he knew shit was just going to go bad because Merle had that look in his eye that he’d seen on people looking for a fight. It was that same look that had gotten him the scar on his leg from a knife being pulled and the want to take down as many cops as the man could.

So he glanced at Rick, who was just taking the scene in silently as Daryl went on about the damned deer and came up with that stupid ass idea to just cut around the deer. Like that would be a good idea in any sense of the world. And Rick, well Rick had that look on his face like he knew trouble was on the way, and by pure habit adrenaline flooded Shane’s system.

He was on the ready when Merle finally went for his taste of blood, and there just wasn’t enough of him and Rick to keep it from turning into a whole out brawl.

He’d gone for Merle while Rick had gone for Morales, and maybe it was this being the first time he’d seen Morales lose his cool but he wasn’t expecting for Daryl to come up behind him and try and pull him off Merle.

And Morales wasn’t calming down, apparently he was one of those types with a long fuse but when that fuse was gone he was going to go for a god damned good while, because Rick and Dale were trying to calm him down when Daryl was suddenly on his back, his arm around his throat and just trying to pull him off.

There was yelling and screaming but Shane didn’t pay it enough attention to make any of it out. He had his whole focus on trying to keep both brother’s in his sight and keep his ass from being handed to him by the two redneck fucks.

At one point he got Daryl into a headlock, and the shit was going on about sleeper holds being illegal, and Glen was somewhere telling Daryl to calm down, and Jim was helping hold back Morales because Rick couldn’t hold him on his own and Dale was just fucking useless at anything other than talking.

And after that one moment Merle had him in a screwed up sleep hold and he couldn’t breathe. He caught Rick grabbing Daryl, pulling him away and he took the chance to get free of Merle… and the next thing he knew there was this sharp fucking pain on his side and Merle wasn’t coming at him no more.


	7. Chapter 7

Mere, the redneck fuck, had pulled a god damned knife. Hadn’t stabbed him or anything, but there was a nice slice in his side and now he was on the ground, staring at his side as he pressed his hand over the wound. While Rick had his gun pointed at Merle and even Daryl had stopped moving. “Enough!” he barked and Shane glanced at him, noticing that he didn’t look weak right then. Nothing like he’d been in a coma for the last few weeks. His hand was steady and his stance just what they had been taught in the academy.

“Enough,” Rick repeated and Merle finally dropped the damned knife, not looking repentant at all.

“I didn’t get him bad,” he shrugged. “E’s just bein’ a baby.”

And that just made Shane grit his teeth and push himself up. “One more move like that Merle and I swear.” He said through his teeth, ignoring the growing burn or the warm feeling of his own blood.

“Swear what?” Merle grinned, “gonna show me whose boss here, like you did Ed? You need us, that canned food ain’t gonna last forever, then watcha gonna do?”

“I don’t care if you’re the next god damned messiah, you’ll be gone.” And he turned away, trusting that to be the end of it and wanting to get some privacy so he could go and whimper without scaring anyone or embarrassing himself.

He didn’t expect anyone to follow him, let alone Rick, so when he felt a hand on his shoulder he couldn’t be blamed for jumping. “C’mon lets take a look at that.” Rick said softly, and Shane felt a bit of him relax because Rick didn’t sound worried so everything was handled, and it mustn’t look as bad as it felt.

And Shane just nodded, leading the way to his tent silently, and not fighting when Rick pulled his shirt up. “This could probably do with some stitches.”

Shane couldn’t help but snort at that. “That’s just another thing we’re short on.”

“Yeah,” Rick sighed and when Shane looked at him, his face was wrinkled with that damn frown of his.

“Carl has that same look,” Shane said lightly, even as Rick started putting pressure on the cut and bringing tears to Shane’s eyes.

“He looks like his mother when he’s angry,” he answered absently. 

“Nah, man.” Shane grinned. “Looks just like you were when we were kids. He’s got that same look when he doesn’t like something I swear it. Ask Lori.”

But apparently Rick wasn’t going to allow the lighter mood because he looked up at Shane’s face all serious like. “I can’t thank you enough…”

“Nah, Rick,” he started to protest but Rick was hell bent on being his damned bullheaded self.

“Not even just… you saved my life and you kept my family safe.”

“Don’t thank me for that,” Shane said quietly, not breaking eye contact with him. Because damn it, he was man enough to admit to himself that he had betrayed his best friend in the worst possible way. It didn’t matter none what he had done before that night.

And he’d let Lori use the walker excuse, hell he’d force feed it to her and everyone else but in his head… there was no damned excuse.

“There was no other way to do things,” Shane explained. “Don’t need to thank me for doing what needed done.” Because he wasn’t man enough to admit what he had done, what ‘they’ had done.

“I’m going to anyways,” Rick stated.

“Sorry to break up this fag fest,” Daryl said dryly from the tent entrance. “But I figure since my brother started the shit, might as well clean up his damned mess. Not like you two know much about fixing yourselfs up, do ya?”

“We know basic first aid,” Rick explained, tone even as he stared down the younger Dixon.

“Yeah with fancy bandages and waiting on other folks to finish fixing you up.” Daryl said like Rick had said a joke. ‘But that’s fine, if y’don’t need me…”

“Wait,” Rick sighed. “I could probably use your help… he needs stitches.”

Daryl nodded, stepping in and kneeling down next to Rick, hissing when he saw the cut. “Don’t have no stitches, but got some super glue…”

“Oh, hell no!” Shane barked, pulling away but he might as well have kept his mouth shut for all the good it did him. “You’re not holding me together with some damned glue!”

“It’s a real thing,” Daryl shrugged and he was pulling an actual tube of super glue out. Like he expected this would be the end action, no matter what Shane had said or how bad the cut had been. “Always do it when we ain’t going to a doctor.”

“Wonder why you wouldn’t want to go to a doctor,” Shane said between his teeth, like maybe that would scare Daryl off, but he kept that same face, like Shane hadn’t said anything 

By the time they were done, Shane was pale and feeling a little sick but the cut wasn’t bleeding anywhere near as bad, and at least now it wasn’t a gaping cut. Shane licked dry lips as he looked down at the damned jimmy rigged stitchless stitches. “I’ve got a shit tone of stitches… ain’t none of them looked like this.” He mumbled and Rick snorted and Shane was realizing that Rick was trying to clean the blood off of him.

“Don’t move around too much,” Daryl mumbled. “You reopen it and you can put it back together yourself.” Then he was gone, and Shane was watching blankly as Rick used a wash cloth to gently rub at the blood on his side.

“I think you lost more blood then we think,” Rick mumbled and he was frowning, and Shane couldn’t hide the smile because he was so fucking right. Rick and Carl shared that look.

“I’m good, man.” He mumbled, but he didn’t pull away from the cloth and he didn’t tell him to stop. He wasn’t sure why, but he didn’t even move. It felt nice to be touched just because he was him, and not because he was breaking up a fight or the closest warm body. Rick was touching him because he was Shane. “Don’t need to worry.”

“That’s why you look like a stiff wind could blow you over?” Rick asked and there was finally some glint in his friend’s eyes.

“Nah, that’s cuz you allowed that crazy fucking redneck to glue my stomach together.” Shane frowned. “Fucking superglue.”

“I’ve heard of it before,” Rick shrugged. “It’ll work in a pinch… and I think we’re kind of in a pinch, don’t you.”

“Just a small one, brother.” Shane grinned and then leaned back on his cot and fuck he hadn’t taken Rick’s cot out yet. Right on the other side of the small ass tent had been where Rick had laid for too damned long. He wasn’t feeling so light anymore.

-

Shane woke up alone, with his side on fire. The sun was up and the inside of the tent was hot as fuck, and the sweat just made the cut hurt that much worse. He sat up slowly, trying to hear what the hell was going on around the tent but it all seemed quiet.

He shoved down the immediate panic and grabbed his gun with a shaking hand. Because it wasn’t supposed to be this quiet. This quiet meant something was wrong, and he couldn’t take the fears flashing through his head, making his, breath catch and his chest tight. It couldn’t end here and he couldn’t go on if they were gone.

The sun was even brighter outside of the tent, and he found himself squinting, trying to see what was going on. If anyone was around, why it was all so quiet. He had to walk to the damned RV before he found anyone, but he’d calmed down a little by then because on his way he hadn’t found any bodies either. “Is that necessary?” Andrea asked, glancing at the gun he had chest level and pointed at her because he wasn’t sure where the hell she came from.

“Where’s everyone?” he asked, while he flipped the safety on and shoved the gun into the front of his pants. “Whys it quiet?”

“Almost everyone went down to the quarry,” Andrea answered, watching him like she’d been warned about him. And in a way she had, when she’d watched as he’d pummeled Ed’s face. Guess she deserved to be a little weary about him. “Jim and me are keeping watch for a few hours… do you want me to drive you down there?”

Shane didn’t even think of it that long, just remembered what he thought had happened and nodded his head. Honestly, he was too damned tired to be down at the quarry, doing whatever it was they were doing down there and making sure he kept his damned temper in check.

She forced him to put a shirt on, and he understood because the cut was raw and wrong looking and it sent chills down his own spine when he looked at it. The women and kids didn’t need to see that shit. He imagined Carl would be excited to see him up and walking, he briefly remembered glancing at the kid and seeing fear in his eyes, then again that could just be wishful thinking. Walking back to his tent after the fight was a bit of a blur.

The drive, short as it was, was shit. The road, that had never been smooth, was pretty fucking rough when you felt every jerk of the jeep, but it was worth it to see Rick and Carl in the water, splashing at each other while Lori sat just at the edge of the water. That was how it was supposed to be, and any jealousy he felt he shoved it down so quickly he didn’t even fucking feel it.

And he knew it was the wrong thing to do as he did it, and like usual he couldn’t stop himself, but he sat down next to Lori and watched the two play in the water. The Morales’ kids were in there as well, seemed to have turned into the kids versus the adults.

They sat silently for a few minutes until Shane’s shoulder accidently brushed against Lori’s, and it had been a damned accident even if Lori looked like she thought he’d fucking planned it. He hadn’t, he’d just wanted to be close to her, take in some of her damned calm so it wouldn’t feel like he was about to rip his fucking super glued seems. He’d been watching Rick, eyes locked on where the bullet wound had been and the cuts from the surgery, and he’d brought his hand up to touch his own. Realizing that his was close to where Rick’s was.

Wasn’t the same thing of course, Rick had been shot and cut open to be fixed. Shane had just been sliced a bit… but they were in the same spot and a crazy part of Shane thought it served him right. That it was like a tattoo of his guilt; because even though he knew it was wrong and that it was the worst kind of betrayal… he still wanted Lori. He wanted to forget the tightness, and he wanted to be close to a warm body, and fuck it all he wanted some desperate comfort.

So he’d moved his hand up to the damned cut, meant to press on it a bit like a damned idiot and his arm had brushed Lori. He hadn’t even realized he’d been sitting that close to her, but she jerked back with a glare and scooted away, and it was like a fucking cold breeze suddenly separated them. “Shane,” she warned, her eyes closed and he wanted to tell her to fuck off, because that wasn’t what he was doing.

But he just turned away and went back to looking at the group playing, missing how Rick had caught their reactions, and how he’d gritted his teeth only to be interrupted by Carl.

Instead Shane saw the back of Rick’s head as Carl laughed, and he felt a smile grow on his face because even if it wasn’t anywhere near all right... Right now felt okay for the most part, and that he could live with.


	8. Chapter 8

It had to be about two when they had decided to they’d spent long enough in the water, and by then the kids were starting to trail off and get grumpy. Shane just sat where he was as everyone rounded up the brats, and watched as Lori hung on Rick like he was the second coming.

He swallowed and shook his head, because no, that wasn’t true. She was hanging off of him like she’d thought she had lost him. Shane was just sitting here being a damned idiot, a pining, pathetic fool. Sighing, he turned away and looked back at the water. When Jacqui came by, he glanced at her, shaking his head when she offered food.

He’d come down here because he was a fool and panicked over it being too quiet, like he’d been able to sleep through the noise that a walker would have caused, and it hadn’t taken long to calm himself down from those stupid thoughts once he was down here.

Now he was just tired, he wanted to go back up to camp, maybe get some more sleep, definitely sit in at least a lawn chair, but Andrea had left once she’d dropped him off and he wasn’t about to ask for a ride back up.

When he finally pushed himself up with a grunt, everyone was packing up and Rick… well Rick was giving him some odd looks that he couldn’t quite decipher. Kind of like he was trying to figure him out, it sent Shane’s nerves on edge and he didn’t even know why.

Carl was bugging him about his cut, begging to see it and asking if it hurt and any other day he’d humor the kid. Hell, he’d probably pull the kid aside and show him the masterpiece that Daryl had turned it into. Kid was old enough to see the damage without nightmares. Hell, he’d let Carl see Rick’s.

It had been during the tail end of visiting hours and Lori, Lori had just needed to break. Shane had caught glances of the wound over the last week, but hadn’t had the chance to get a good look at it yet. And Carl had just up and asked.

Shane wasn’t a complete idiot, he did give it some thought, looking at his best friend’s pale face and debating the pros and cons. And it ‘was’ his night to keep Carl in the makeshift schedule they’d set up, he and Lori. She was being so strong about it all, old the time, but the woman needed some time to herself, to worry without Carl seeing it, so Shane had offered to keep him for a night… and it had just kept on.

So any nightmares it would have caused, he’d have been there… and maybe it would help the kid. He still looked half scared his father wouldn’t make it, was scared to even really touch him. So in the end Shane had nodded, glancing at the clock to make sure Lori wouldn’t be back and it wasn’t time for the nurse, and pulled Rick’s gown down. He’d gently peeled the white bandage back, and they’d both studied it in silence for a few minutes.

It wasn’t the smartest thing, but it helped Carl understand that his father was getting better.

This wasn’t then though, and Shane hurt and Rick was giving him that damned look while Lori kept looking at him like he was scum. He just wanted to lay down again and hopefully his side wouldn’t burn so damned much tomorrow. So he shook his head at Carl and told him to get, and somehow managed to ignore the kid’s frown. “What was that about?” Rick asked behind him, and Shane hissed when he turned around too fast.

“Wanted to see Daryl’s fix it,” Shane mumbled with a shrug. Feeling like maybe he should tell Rick about letting Carl see his wound. But that was just another one of his stupid impulses, and he didn’t feel up to getting into one of their famous throw downs.

Rick nodded silently, and Shane turned away looking back at the water like it could get him back up to camp and end this day for him. He could still feel Rick standing beside him, his presence setting Shane’s nerves on fire, like something was going to happen. He ended up licking his lips before opening his mouth to say something, only to be cut off by Rick gathering his own balls enough to speak.

“What’s going on between you and Lori?” and fuck, just fuck.

Rick’s voice was even and calm, and in that tone that meant fucking trouble and Shane couldn’t help but tense up, give himself away that something ‘had’ happened between them, but Shane knew before he answered that he wasn’t going to tell the truth, no matter if he was caught out all ready or not. “She’s just not happy with a couple o’things I’ve done.”

“Don’t lie to me,” and even without looking he knew Rick said that through his teeth and his brow was furrowed, and Christ he was too tired to deal with this right now. It just had to be today, when Shane was having a hard time stringing his own thoughts together let alone lies. “Don’t you lie to me about this, I’m not stupid. You think I can’t see the way you two or acting? Think I’m the only one who has noticed?”

“It was…” he started, tensed up and waiting for a blow. “Man, we didn’t mean it… it was,” and he knew what he’d told Lori. That they were desperate, that it was desperate and fuck was that the truth, but he couldn’t spit it out. Like that wasn’t enough of an excuse to tell Rick to his god damned face, he had to come up with something better… but he just couldn’t.

“Oh, you didn’t mean it?” and Rick was sarcastic and spiteful and Shane could feel the anger coming off of him. “Slipped and fell? Was it that kind of accident, you just accidently screwed my wife? The mother of my child!”

“It wasn’t like that,” and when Shane glanced around they were alone enough that no one had caught on to the scene starting here. “It wasn’t like that, it wasn’t… I don’t know, man, it was… it was a bad time.” He ended up saying feebly.

“A bad time?” Rick laughed, and Shane couldn’t even look at him, that’s how big of a coward he was. “When was it a bad time? When I was in the hospitable? How many times? Huh, I trusted you! I trusted you with my god damned life!”

“Fuck you!” Shane finally looked at him, “you don’t know what its been like. You slept through it all. You didn’t have people you know trying to ‘eat’ you, or carry your best friend through the woods thinking he was a god damned body, I thought I’d killed you man! And Lori,” he laughed, turning away. “Lori gave up hope on you, man. She just gave up, the best she expected out of you was to die while she was asleep. While you were in that hospitable… man she was ‘strong’ she held it together, but out here. Out here we didn’t know, we didn’t have doctors telling us that you were getting better, that you’d wake up on your own when you were ready. Out here,” and his face hurt from the bitter smile on his face as he laughed again. 

“Out here we squeezed water into your mouth… and you were fading away.” And he was quiet now, because he was getting to the bit that was hard to admit even to himself. “Every day you looked worse, Rick, and I couldn’t do anything about that… and, fuck, it was one time… one night Rick, and it wasn’t about us, and fuck I just wanted to forget for a little while.”

Rick was quiet after that, and Shane just felt drained because here was where it ended. He’d known it since that night, if Rick found out… it would end whatever he and Shane had ever had, and it just might break Rick, who believed in trust so damned much… too damned much. “I’m sorry,” Shane finally mumbled, not looking back as he headed up the trail. It was going to be a long fucking walk back, but right then? Right then, Shane felt like he deserved it.

-

He’d caught a ride back with Jacqui and Amy, apparently they’d seen him walking off and figured it might be a good time to make an escape before the kids started throwing fits or whatever it was that kid’s did when they were grumpy and didn’t want to leave.

Of course they’d asked him about the damned fight, apparently it had caught everyone’s attention even though they’d only caught bits of it, when their voices had been too loud to be distorted by the space. Shane had told them in the politest way he could to fuck off, and gone straight to his tent when they’d reached the camp.

If this was before the walkers and he wasn’t stuck in a tent without any alcohol this would be one of those nights he’d wake up in the morning regretting while he kept his head in the toilet. This wasn’t then, and he found himself staring at the empty cot in his tent, the one Rick had stayed on and not able to turn his stupid damned head off.

When Amy had come in, her soft voice and trying so damned hard to be helpful, he had pretended to be asleep, ignoring her and the plate of food she’d left. And the sounds of the camp getting to sleep, it just set him more on edge until he found himself sitting up and clutching at the blanket while he gritted his teeth.

Then Rick came in, and Shane had heard him in enough time to lay down and be able to play possum again but it didn’t work on Rick. Never had really, they’d had too much history before they’d had too much history. “I know you’re awake,” Rick said and Shane just sighed, feeling like a kid as he opened his eyes and looked at Rick, sitting on that damned cot.

“Let m’guess. You been thinking, right?” Shane asked sarcastically, pushing himself back up so that he was on even ground with Rick. If they were going to do this, he wasn’t going to hide in his own damned tent like a baby. He’d face the damned consequences to his actions like a man, fuck that every other bit inside him was telling him to do the opposite.

And Rick’s snort sounded tired, but it was too dark for Shane to look him in the eye, to try and read his face, which meant it was too damned dark for Rick to do the same to him. That left him with a sense of confidence, because while Shane could usually tell what was going on with Rick… Rick was so much damned better at it, and this conversation? This conversation didn’t need none of that.

“I have,” Rick agreed. “It’s, brother I know everything’s different. Maybe I don’t understand how much or what you two have been through… but I think I’ve got a good idea.”

“You’ve no idea,” Shane answered. Thinking of the hospitable and the soldiers shooting people, not walkers. Thinking of his neighbor, Cheryl, who’d been sick one day, and bursting through the hallways, crouched over and tearing at what was left of her cat. “You can’t even…”

“I know it was horrible, I saw that walker, what he was doing… and what it took to end him.” Rick sighed, “and… in a way I understand.”

“What?” Shane asked, head shooting up too fast and a little dizzy because this wasn’t how he’d thought this conversation would go. Not even Rick could be that understanding, it was his damned wife and his fucking best friend… and Shane just couldn’t wrap his head around this.

“I talked to Lori, hell I’ve talked to everyone brother. I know what you’ve been doing,” and Shane could see the vague outline of Rick waving his hand. “I know what you did… believe me, I still want to break your jaw when I think of it but… it’s not an end game. You’re still like my brother, and I can- I can understand.”

Shane couldn’t do much but nod, because Rick’s understanding hurt more than the gash on his side. And the worst part was, he couldn’t even promise it wouldn’t happen again, because even now he still wanted it. He didn’t deserve Rick’s understanding.

He was about to say something, he didn’t know what it was other than this need to say something, anything, when they heard the scream. It was a guttural scream, and they glanced at each other before they started out of the tent. Shane grabbing his shotgun while tossing a handgun at Rick.

There were walkers everywhere, and screaming everywhere and Shane felt his blood pumping, hell heard it, let it tune out the screams as he started rounding up who he could, getting Carl and Lori behind him, grabbing Jacqui along the way. 

Later he wouldn’t remember what happened, what he said or how they fucking survived. He’d remember flashes of skin as he blew off the heads of walkers as they got to close, remember seeing Merle with his rifle, feeling the damned noise as it shot blowing away most of whatever it shot. He remembered the women getting the kids on top of the RV, and running out of ammo.

He’d run out of ammo at some point and Lori and Carl were safe up on that RV but there was a Walker coming up behind Rick and there had been a burning pain in his side as he swung the butt of it as hard as he could at the back of its head.

At one point after that Daryl had tossed him a bat, and he had flashes of taking swings but couldn’t remember if those had hurt or not.

Then suddenly it was day and there were bodies everywhere and Shane felt bone tired and a little like he was in a haze. He grabbed the pickaxe from Carol when she was done with Ed, giving her a nod before he went to finish the job on the walker’s he hadn’t last night. He didn’t even realize he was bleeding until T-Dogg freaked out about bites and started tugging at his shirt. And when he glanced down he felt a little sick, in a way that being covered in gore and shoving pickaxes through skulls didn’t touch.

And that damned haze got thicker, and he felt himself swaying down until he was sitting next to what was left of Ed. “Woah, man,” T-Dogg was saying and his hands were on his shoulders, and he was shouting for the others, and Shane was just looking at what used to be held together with superglue and maybe some of those fucker’s blood had leaked through, and this could really be the fucking end. And for a moment Shane was grateful.

Until he caught Carl’s wide eyed face, tears in his eyes looking so much like the one on Rick’s face right then, Rick who was kneeling in front of him and using his hands to press at the gash and not letting Shane pull away from the pain.

“Told you, you were gonna fix yourself up.” Daryl grumbled from his left, and Shane just glared, balling his fists up before taking a swing.

“It was your stupid fucking brother,” he growled when Daryl just dodged away from his fist.

“What, you want him here?” Daryl asked sarcastically, and Shane yelped when there was more pressure added.

“Be better if I was,” Merle called from somewhere and Shane was just too damned dizzy, all he wanted to do was lay down but if he did Rick’s eyes would just get wider, and Shane couldn’t handle the fear in his eyes. He couldn’t handle that shit right now, so instead he kept himself sitting up. “Taught you everything you know, Darlyna! Now hurry up, I ain’t gonna clean this mess up by myself.”

Daryl just rolled his eyes, and Shane found himself blinking at the sky. “They’re okay, right?” he asked, looking at Rick who’s face morphed from that one of fear when he asked to a thankful nod.

“You did good, Shane. Just stay still, we’ll take care of you.”


	9. Chapter 9

The next little while was more of a blur than anything else for Shane. They pulled him away from Ed, and that just wasn’t any fun but he was glad to be away from the mess of that man. Because now that he realized what he had done to himself, it hurt, seemed to hurt more than the original damn injury.   
Rick had squeezed his arm after they’d gotten him to the shade, but for the majority of however the fuck long was just him and Daryl. “Don’t fuckin’ move,” Daryl growled once he’d wrapped Shane up, and Shane just nodded because he didn’t have any intention of doing anything other. “I’m ‘bout tired of putting you together, good lord.”

Shane just shrugged, because it wasn’t like he’d asked for any of this shit, least of all to be cut by a moody fucking redneck. And looking around their camp, it seemed like the least of their worries. Bodies were laying every which way, hell a damn near pile near the RV and Shane wasn’t sure how the hell they’d gotten out of that without more losses.

Jim, crazy ass Jim, was laid out right by the jeep like he’d thought that would be a good place to hide. Fucking moron. No one had taken care of him yet, he wasn’t moving though, just laying there dead so far with half his body ripped open, and the sight made Shane vaguely nauseas because it wasn’t like there was much to the man to lay out to begin with… but it seemed like there was plenty for the damned walkers.

Merle was arguing about how to take care of their dead versus the walkers, and Daryl looked like he was trying to back up his brother, and Andrea was sat there staring at her sister like she was just waiting for her to come back and tear at them all.

And Rick, Rick was stepping up like he’d always been there. Mediating and telling people how it was going to be, and why it was going to be that way, and he was so much better at this then Shane, because they pretty much stopped arguing immediately and just got back to what needed done.

The sun was going down once they had the camp cleared, and Shane kept doing head counts that sounded wrong in his head, and yet was such a glorious fucking number at the same time. They’d lost Ed and Jim, T-Dogg had a nasty concussion and there had been a moment when everyone had panicked, convinced he’d been bit… but he wasn’t. 

Shane couldn’t work the numbers out in his head, even as Carol passed him a cup of tea. Fucking tea, like he was a woman, but they were all drinking it. Every time he looked up they were two short, but they should be more. He’d seen less walkers take out more people, but they’d held off at least twenty and had minimal losses.

And thinking of it as minimal losses made the tea in his stomach turn sour, but thinking of it as Jim and Ed and Amy made it worse. He didn’t even fucking like Ed, he couldn’t stand the man, had gone out of his way to make the man miserable but Christ…

He flinched when he felt a hand on his shoulder, and turned around to see Lori who looked like she cared again, just for a moment before she turned away and walked back to Rick, who had watched the whole thing with suspicious eyes. And fuck it was just too much for his brain to wrap around right now, it just kept looping and looping, and he didn’t even feel guilty when he remembered seeing Jim trying to make it to their group, he’d been within reach. Shane could have pulled Jim toward them before the fool tried to make a beeline for that jeep, but Lori had been right behind Carl going up that ladder and he’d left the man to his own.

He wondered if he felt guilty for not feeling guilty.

Then he looked at Carl, held tightly to Lori and Rick, and Morales with his two girls squeezed between he and his wife, and he didn’t care if he felt guilty or not. He’d done what he’d had to and that was all there was to it. “We can’t stay here,” T-Dogg slurred, his body hunched over his cup and staring at the flames.

There was a lot of mumbled agreements and Shane found himself not really caring. The walkers were obviously on the move somehow, someway, he didn’t feel like any of it would be fucking safe. They had to figure something out, something better than the road and a camp site with cans set up around it. That had worked for stragglers but if they ran into more, they couldn’t count on being so lucky again.

And going on the road, where there wasn’t even the illusion of safety… it set his nerves on edge and his body shaking.

“Could head up to ol’ Fort Benning,” Merle offered. “If anyone held up, it would be them boys and if they didn’t they got guns.”

“The CDC would be better,” Rick countered. “They might have come up with a fix, they’ll have closed up tight probably be less walkers as well.”

“There was a safe zone set up somewhere near there,” Morales said to Rick. “A couple I think, not like Atlanta… but they probably look the same.”

And Shane tuned out about then because he was too damned tired to care, he’d go where Rick and Lori went so it didn’t matter what any of them said. Maybe he’d come up with an opinion when his mind stopped looping and his side stopped hurting so damned much, and he stopped having to remind himself that they were two short and he didn’t need to find the two morons.

-

Shane hadn’t thought he would fall asleep, didn’t expect any of them to really. But he found himself blinking his eyes open to dim light, laid out on the ground with a thin blanket over him and someone had even gone and put a pillow under his head. He blinked a couple of times before he realized that the small animal under his nose was actually Carl and Rick was watching them with a soft look on his face. “Mornin’” Rick said gruffly and Shane nodded, swallowing thickly and eyes locking on the shotgun Rick had between his legs. It was his shot gun, the one he’d grabbed from his gun cage, that he’d gotten after he’d graduated the police academy.

“Everyone asleep?” he mumbled, not even bothering to try and push himself up, his side was bearable right now and Carl was a warm weight next to him, and Christ yesterday had been too damned close.

Rick shook his head, “packing, we’re heading out soon. We’ve been taking turns watching the kids and the hurt.”

He nodded, turning his head without looking and seeing that he was part of a circle of sleeping bags and T-Dog was at his feet, snoring and mouth wide open but wincing in his sleep like his head was killing him. “What’s the plan?”

“Morales is taking his family to Fort Benning,” and Rick’s frown matched his own. He didn’t like the idea of splitting up, even more so because he’d kept these people alive for weeks. Morales may understand what was out there but even last night couldn’t prepare his wife and kids and he wasn’t going to have any backup out there. And he liked Morales and his even temper, fuck he would be missed.

“The rest of us are going to head to the CDC, and if that turns out bust we’ll head out to Fort Benning, meet up with Morales.”

“If they make it,” he said darkly, there was only the four of them and Morales was good at scavenging but fuck, they had no damned backup. “We shouldn’t split up.”

Rick nodded, getting up to sit next to Carl, shotgun in the hand that wasn’t running through his thin hair. “There’s gotta be someone working on a cure or something, somewhere safe…”

And Shane nodded, not because he believed it, but because he wanted to. After what happened to the refugee camps in Atlanta, and what Atlanta had turned into anyways, he couldn’t find it in himself to believe in any safe harbor, they were just biding their time and struggling to stay alive but Rick needed to believe. And so did everyone else, Shane could keep his damned thoughts on the matter to himself for now. Not like he had much of a foot to step on, or Rick would listen to him much right now. Man might have said he had forgiven him, but forgiving and doing were two separate things and even Rick might have problems separating those two.

-

They ended up taking four vehicles, and just that set Shane’s nerves on fire. He, and Rick’s family went in the station wagon, Dale took Andrea, and Carol and Sophia in an RV while Daryl drove his jeep like it was still important to him, and Merle rode that stupid ass motorcycle. The only damn use of the thing to scout ahead as they made their way down back roads as far as they could.

Lori and Carl were in the back seat, and Shane found himself in the passenger seat with a shot gun and handgun clutched tightly in his hands. The drive was a long one, and it dragged on Shane, the only thing keeping him up was that burn in his side but even that was beginning to fail him as they finally reached the CDC. He knew it still hurt but it was beginning to drone off into this numb feeling like it was almost not there anyway. “We better hope this place is open,” he mumbled quietly as he spotted a couple of walkers that had heard them pull up.

Bags were grabbed quickly and everyone had a weapon in their hands, and Shane turned to Carl looking at the kid’s wide eyes and tossed him a bat. “You swing that as hard as you can, you hear me? Any get near you or your mom, and you swing that as hard as you can.”

Rick nodded at him and they were gone, and Shane kept a running number of the ammo he was using and how low he was and tried to do the same for Rick but he might have missed a few and by the time they reached those damn doors with the shutter closed, he was breathing hard not because he hurt but because they were running too damned low and it was too damned soon to go through this again.

-

He found himself as drunk as the Dixon brother’s that night. The minute they had walked in and those shutters had closed behind them he’d felt some weight lift off of his shoulders, and when they kept going down so damned far the last weeks seemed to drop off of him and he could breathe, if just for a damned moment.

He was full of antibiotics and pain pills, and Christ who would have thought they’d have kept actual medical supplies in the CDC? But they did and if the stitches looked a bit funny he wasn’t going to say anything because it wasn’t fucking superglue and his side wasn’t jimmy rigged together any longer. He was still under orders not to move around too much, but fuck that at least he wasn’t constantly imagining his guts just falling out when he reached too far for something.

And fuck Jenner for telling Daryl that super glue did work in a pinch, the shit didn’t need the fucking ego rub.

And he was floating, sitting in that dining room, laughing with Rick like it was old times and none of this shit had happened, regardless that before he wouldn’t have been found dead drinking wine. Now though, now he took what he got, and what he had was a couple of bottles of wine and not having to worry that walkers may sneak up on them when they sleep.

“Had to make penance somehow,” he said loudly when Daryl commented that he’d been a hellion as a teenager, and god had he been. Dragging Rick into most of the trouble he dragged himself into, and Rick dragging him out covered in mud and bleeding but they had always ended up laughing and just loving life for what it was. “Man when I joined up should have seen Old Man Bridge’s face, like I was Satan pretendin’ to be an angel!”

And Rick belted out this laugh that sounded like pure fucking music to Shane’s ear, and right at that moment Shane knew bringing Rick from that hospitable had been the right idea. Thankful that he hadn’t let his doubts rule him that day, that he’d stuck to his damn guns and saved his friend even if he didn’t know if was still alive.

“James Bridges?” Merle asked with a frown, looking almost like a bug had just crawled up his ass and made his. “Used to be Sherriff of the county?”

Shane nodded, eyes raised in an expectant smirk. Because if Merle fucking Dixon had tangled with Old Man Bridges there had to be epic stories, and god knew Merle had gotten his ass handed to him. Shane and Rick had only tangled with him about ten years after the man had retired, and that had been tough enough, but while the man had been working? Christ, Shane wouldn’t have made it to adult hood.

“Fuck that man, every time I rolled on into town he was always in m’ ass!” Merle bellowed, tipping his bottle up, “good man got me out of trouble a couple of times, but whenever it was his time of the month I was going in no matter what I did.”

Daryl laughed lazily from beside his brother, “what you talking about Merle? The only time you got out of trouble wa’ when you had me with you! He’d take it easy on ya cuz he had a brother named Daryl!”

“You shut the fuck up, Darlyna!” Merle growled lightly, smacking Daryl lightly on the back of the head. “He let me off if I could c’mon up with a good story!”

“Shit, like you could ever come up with a good story!” And Daryl dodged this time, tumbling to the floor with a laugh. “Fuck bro, remember that time you tol’ him you had to catch yer fridge cuz it was runnin?”

And Shane couldn’t hold in the laugh at that, because that just figured. Merle would be stupid enough to pull that shit with Old Man Bridges, probably got dragged in just on principle with that kind of line. And thank god Bridges had died a couple of years ago, didn’t have to see the world go to shit like it was. Probably would have broken the man who was so caught up on his morals and sense of right and wrong. He was good man regardless, probably the reason Rick had decided to become a cop in the first place… and Shane, well Shane had nothing else planned and it had seemed like as good idea as any.

He wasn’t sure how they got from laughing and trading old stories as a group to Lori in that rec room and him stumbling on in there, leaving the two of them alone. And if he was in his right mind, he wouldn’t have kissed her. He was pushing his luck with Rick as it was, and they had already gone over this but he was flying high and he wanted to share that with someone, and she’d been there and he’d remembered kissing her that night and that had made him feel alive… and in his head feeling more alive had seemed like a fucking brilliant idea.

She’d ended up smacking him in the side and shoving him to the ground when Rick had walked in, and he’d just stared at the ceiling while Lori tried to explain what had happened. Rick ended up speaking but Shane didn’t hear him, just pulled himself up and leaned against the couch, waiting for Rick to get up in his face because his friend was turning bright red like Shane not reacting was just egging him on more. And that was just wrong, because that was ‘his’ move, not Rick’s.

And he licked his lips, and stared at that damned vein between Rick’s eyebrows and thought that he was actually pretty damned lucky to still be able to get chewed out by his best friend. Not many people left still had that, and yet here he was wanting more. Wanting things that weren’t his to want, things he shouldn’t want.

To be honest, he wouldn’t ever know what the hell had possessed him to do what he did, wouldn’t know which of those stupid self-pitying thoughts had urged him to think it was a good idea, but he’d leant in while Rick was mid-bitch and just laid one on him. Kept his eyes open and saw his friends eyes go wide open and heard that constant drone die off as Rick’s mouth fell open and, really, well hell it was almost like an invitation.

Until he found himself thrown against the couch, staring at his friend who was looking at him with wide eyes like he’d done lost it or something, and there was Lori behind Rick, her hand over her mouth and looking just as shocked as Rick. And if Shane’s features weren’t so damned drunk, he might have just been wearing that shocked look on his face as well because hadn’t that just come straight out of left field?

The night ended with him in the shower, drinking and scrubbing and trying to figure out what the hell he’d done and what he’d been thinking and coming up with nothing, and then drinking some more until he passed out on a couch with T-Dogg’s feet in his face this time and Merle sounding like he was choking on his own god damned tongue.

And right then, as his eyes drifted shut and he thought of the hell that would be tomorrow, that sounded like a good old plan. Choke on his own tongue while he slept and fuck with it all. Because, fuck, he was tired.


End file.
